It’s Anon’s partner and full-time carer here. Just come to have a moan – if we can’t whinge on our blog about Bipolar, where can we?
Things have been hideously hard for quite a number of years now, but it seems to have worsened drastically this past what, four, five months?
Anon is unrecognisable…constant fear and panic, hallucinations…just a total blankness, numbness and desperation. A terror. Last night she sat on the couch for hours, not talking or moving or being, with tears trickling down her face.
I’m pushing so hard against her to convince her to let me get us help, but I’m also having to battle equally hard against the wonderful NHS.
I got in touch with our GP practice and, as the GP that we so trusted and respected has apparently left, I spoke with the receptionist about getting Anon a new GP, and asked if there were any that specialised in mental health.
The receptionist was surprisingly helpful (they usually suck) and recommended a Doctor who sounded good. I spoke with Anon and persuaded her to give him a try, but we had to wait until this week when he was back from paternity leave.
We were supposed to get a phone appointment at 5.30pm from the Doctor, but at 6.10pm it still hadn’t come and we were both anxious and stressed and we also really needed to walk our dogs.
We headed out and at 6.20pm, when we were on a narrow country lane with absolutely no lighting and where cars drive way too fast, we got a phone call from the Doctor and missed the call. We rushed to a footpath off the road and phoned back less than ten minutes after the call, but the surgery was shut so nobody picked up.
The Doctor left an answerphone message which stressed Anon out, as even though I clearly told the receptionist why I was ringing and that the Doctor should talk to me, and not Anon, the Doctor started the message by saying “Hello [Anon]”, and went on to talk about how Anon needed a medication review and talked about something to do with her prescription…THAT’S NOT WHY WE MADE THIS APPOINTMENT!!
And as Anon has such trouble trusting Doctors after years of being treated like shit, she now doesn’t want to see him…
This weekend has been absolute hell and I am amazed we have got through it without a suicide attempt. Bless Anon she has been fighting so hard and when out walking, if we bump into someone we know or she’s training our dogs she has put on such a convincing mask.
Tonight I will probably end up calling NHS 111, but I don’t see how they can help.
Our issue at the moment is the one professional who treated us well has left, and Anon finds meeting new Doctors terrifying. Likewise we have no help from a Social Worker as she blew it with Anon, and Anon now doesn’t want to get help from the same establishment due to her paranoia.
Crisis Team have always made the situation worse and going to A&E would be incredibly stressful and difficult for us all, and in the past when we have gone to hospital we have been sent away with ‘keep doing what you’re doing, watch her 24/7 and go see your GP when you can.’
Professionals never seem to take Anon seriously, and I don’t know why. Is it because she almost always turns up for appointments, and she tries her best to answer the Doctors’ questions? Is it because she’s not crying hysterically, or screaming and shouting? Because she’s in just as much pain, just as much danger, as if she was.
Where else can I go for help? We can’t live like this. I have never seen Anon in such a crisis and I can’t help.
Most the medications we’d be willing to try for Anon I think we would really have to fight for, as the medications she wants to try either aren’t used in the UK or aren’t used for Bipolar…but the ones we have been offered (Seroquel / Quetiapine, Lamotrigine / Lamictal, Depakote, Zyprexa / Olanzipine, Lithium) we have either tried or all have side effects that would scare me, never mind Anon!
This is a huge rant, but I need to get it out somehow.