Tumbleweed

Anon here to begin with.

Things are slightly improved from a few weeks back. I really was at rock bottom then; I cried several times a day, had no motivation, didn’t get enjoyment out of anything and was constantly thinking about death and suicide.

As of right now I’m still depressed, but I am not suicidal. I have more motivation but am still tired. The hallucinations are still there, as is the paranoia, but the latter has eased slightly and I don’t feel constantly panicked for my life.

My head is less jumbled, I think because I’m not living in the extreme terror I was. I’m finding it easier to make sense and explain how I’m feeling, but words still disappear from my head very frequently…obviously this makes talking difficult and embarrassing.

I slump back to rock bottom quickly, it doesn’t take much, and then I’m back to feeling hopeless…but I guess it was always gonna be three steps forward and two steps back.

Anon’s carer here now!

It’s funny how when things have been at their very worst,  and they get slightly better, you really see an improvement…even though a month back we would have thought this was hell, now we’ve seen how bad things can get we’re relieved to be back here.

It was almost a month ago (November 12th) that we went to the GP and the Doctor sent off the urgent referral to a psychiatrist. We haven’t heard anything from them yet; mental health treatment and support under the NHS is absolutely shocking.

There is no way if Anon had a physical illness that could result in her dying she would have been left like this. It’s disgusting.

Anon is still adamant she cannot cope with a psychiatrist appointment. We will cross that bridge when we eventually get an appointment…

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