What’s in a name?

When I was manic I had the idea of changing my name.

It was such a certain thing; I was definitely doing it. The idea fizzed and fizzed inside my head, and I thought over and over of different names I could choose, slight variations and different spellings.

I wanted to do it there and then, but Gog calmed me, told me to wait. He said he didn’t want it to be a decision I regretted.

I got so used to the idea that now, even outside of the mania, it is something I am looking into, something I really might do.

I wouldn’t change my name drastically…but I would change it. It would be different.

I’ve agreed to wait though; I always have to wait as long as possible, being Bipolar. I can never trust my own thoughts or decisions.  We have decided that if, by the end of April / beginning of May, I still want to change it we can seriously consider it, and get the ball rolling.

Now that I’m not manic my biggest fear is my family. Telling them would be tough – will they be upset, that I am changing something they gave me? Gog has said I don’t have to tell them, I can respond to both names…but they might find out months later and be even more upset. I don’t know…

I loved my name for so long, but for around four years now something’s changed and it doesn’t feel right anymore…not only doesn’t it seem to fit ‘me’ but a variant of my name has become fairly popular, and it creeps me out to hear other people calling my name. I’ve never experienced that before, ever.

If I changed my name it wouldn’t be by much, just a few letters, but it would be a name I came up with myself. I often name my pets names that I have created, and I’d love to do that for me too. I already have one planned and, very important, Gog likes it.

Give it a few months and we will see what happens 🙂

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