Today is a bad day

Depression, anxiety and hopelessness are already being rated 10/10 on the mood chart today.

It’s one of *those* days, I feel like utter shit.

I need to be careful today, as I could easily risk an impulsive suicide attempt…I’m in a lot of distress, suicide looks good, but I want my suicide to be planned and gentle…whenever I impulsively try and kill myself it goes badly; obviously, I’ve never succeeded. Ha, weak joke.

I could self-harm to try ease any of this shit, but my self-harm urges are weird at the moment…I want to *really* hurt myself. Like breaking bones. Which would result in a hospital visit, a long recovery time, and being one-handed would make life harder for my partner and my dogs. So no.

I could go to A&E to see if they could / would help, but I can’t deal with having a bad experience or having to see Crisis Team.

I want this to end.

I. Just. Want. Help.

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10 thoughts on “Today is a bad day

  1. Sometimes we all just need a mental reset. I had a long conversation with my psychiatrist back in December about just being able to shut down and restart my brain. Turns out as always, there is a pill for that but normally it’s a visit to that floor in a hospital, but that is okay and not bad at all if you need it. I feel myself heading downward and it started last week. I then drank too much and had a blast only to crash with a horrid hangover. I know what it’s like to be a 10/10 and I have the scars to remind me. You should to talk to someone. Call your therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. Call a friend or call me, I’d be happy to give you my number if you need a understanding and a real listening ear. Sometimes….and I’ve done it, pouring your heart out to a complete stranger who will not judge but is like you is incredibly therapeutic. Your not alone

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this incredible comment πŸ™‚ I am so overwhelmed with all the friends I have made through blogging and the people I have ‘met’ who seem to genuinely care.

      Currently I don’t have a psychologist / psychiatrist / therapise (ah the wonderful NHS!) but I do have an amazing partner who is always there for me…it’s just that there’s not much we can do to help; nowhere we can go, no Doctor we can see…we’re just pushing through crappy day after crappy day for nothing…

      Liked by 1 person

    • I recently discovered Pinterest and have found that helpful – either scrolling through images of nature photography or cute animals, either can sometimes work for being a distraction. And yes, chocolate is a wonderful boost! πŸ™‚

      Like

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