Days go on and on

I am tired of all the days being the same old shit.

I want to give up.

Every day is exhausting, every day is miserable, every day is a struggle.

My life is shit, and I’m ruining my partner’s life too.

Today I had several moments of enjoying myself…I had a great walk with our youngest dog, I actually enjoyed it start to finish. But it’s never enough. An hours’ happiness amongst a full day of misery isn’t enough.

I’ll keep going. There’s nothing else to do but keep going, even though I’m dragging my partner down too…why am I living for him when all I do is make him miserable?

Every day is the same.

Oh hey look, it’s officially World Bipolar Day. Yay…

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2 thoughts on “Days go on and on

  1. The feeling of ruining your partner’s life is a hell of a whole new level, I know this too well. It’s not bad enough our life is shit but then we go and fuck up theirs, it’s unfair. But we’re not doomed to be unstable for the rest of our lives, it takes hard fucking work, you know this, but eventually we’re going to even out if we keep trying. It won’t go away, it’ll always be there, we’ll feel it but we’ll react different eventually. And I think because you care so much about the quality of life your partner has you will continue to fight this battle that seems impossible to win but I have faith that you will beat it and you and your partner will be even closer and stronger because even Bipolar couldn’t tear you apart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sometimes I can’t cope with the guilt at all, and there’s a war in my head of ‘kill yourself so he doesn’t have to suffer with you’ and ‘no, stay alive so he doesn’t have to be sad / guilty you died!’…it really is the worst.

      Thanks for this comment. So nice to know somebody else understands the feeling, I’ve never really heard anybody else talk about how difficult it is before.

      Like

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