A long day at A&E

This morning Gog phoned up the nearby mental health service that’s supposed to be treating me.

He said that he called 111 a few days ago, and was told that psychiatrists should be able to do home visits. Gog said we needed a home visit asap, because we are really, really struggling.

The receptionist said the duty professional would call us back and, three hours later, they did. They said they couldn’t do home visits (not enough staff) and the only reason they would do home visits was if they were sectioning someone.

Gog explained appts were too hard for us atm, and they had no suggestions. The duty professional did say she could get me sectioned, which he declined.

Gog then phoned 111, who were really, really good yet again.

The man said we needed to go to A&E, and they would prescribe us medication to help. He said he would send us an ambulance out, because travel was too stressful, but Gog declined as the thought panicked me a lot, and we said we’d get a taxi.

We got a taxi to hospital and checking in at reception was horrible – the receptionist was very cold and not at all understanding, she also kept asking my partner to speak up about what was wrong with me and why we were there…my partner was having to practically yell that I was struggling with suicidal thoughts, and the woman in the queue behind was standing really close and just staring at me, it was absolutely horrible.

We were told to go sit in the waiting room.

I was feeling terrible. I felt like I was going to vomit because I was so scared, and I was trembling. I felt like everybody else was staring at me and whispering about me, and the lights in the hospital were so bright I had a really bad headache.

We waited for three hours and weren’t even seen by the triage nurse.

The emergency room was virtually empty, just us and three other people, and everyone else came and went.

After over three hours, we were seen by the triage nurse. Gog spoke for me because I was far too panicked by that point, and she said we’d have to be seen by a Dr who would then get Crisis Team to come and see us.

I was so terrified and overwhelmed at that point I told my partner I wanted to go home, and he went and asked the triage nurse if we could go home and see CRHT there. She said we’d have to wait to see a Dr, and then we could go.

A while later a Dr took us into a room and said “you don’t need to tell me everything again, I know it gives you anxiety. I will just go phone Crisis Team and then I’ll come back and let you know what is going to happen”. We were in the room with the Dr for less than 30 seconds.

The Dr left us in the waiting room and, half an hour later, he still hadn’t reappeared.

I was completely done; I was stressed to the max, I wanted to cry and, as we’d been out almost five hours, I was getting increasingly stressed about our dogs.

My partner went to look for the Dr we’d just spoken with, to either ask what was going on or tell him we were leaving. He couldn’t find the Dr anywhere, and when he asked a nurse she told us to go check ourselves out at reception.

We went to the receptionist and said we wanted to leave; we gave my name, date of birth, and she said we could go. My partner called a taxi on the free phone,  we waited for it, got in, and set off home.

When we got back my partner had several missed calls on his phone and an answer phone message. Upon listening to it, it seemed the hospital had called the police on me.

They’d told the police that I had escaped and that I was a danger to myself and planning to kill myself. They had patrol cars out searching for me near the hospital, and had been told to bring me in to be sectioned.

After a hellish day when I was already feeling like utter shit, I had just begun to de-stress…the knowledge that the police were coming to section me obviously didn’t help with that.

I have never felt so stressed and desperate in all my life.

My partner phoned the police and said I was safe. They wanted to talk to me on the phone (I am terrified of talking on the phone, I have been since I was a child). The police then wanted to send officers around to come talk to me and check I was safe – again, needlessly stressful and held the threat of me being sectioned.

My partner explained that we were just eating our tea, we needed to walk our dogs, and I’d had a highly stressful day and did not need it making worse. He explained we had told the hospital we were leaving, we had been told it was fine, and we were there of our own accord. I am perfectly safe when he is with me.

The person on the other end said the sergeant would call us back in five minutes.

Twenty minutes came and went. I was sat on the stairs rocking and trying to remember to breathe amidst the panic. My partner phoned the police back and asked what was happening, because we really needed to walk our dogs.

After an agonising wait the person on the phone said the log was closed, they were happy I was safe, they had told the hospital so and said that they should contact us themselves if they want to.

We have wasted hours and hours trying to get help today. We spent £40 of money we don’t have on taxis there and back.

We were ignored for hours on end in A&E. Nobody told us how long our wait would be or what was happening. We were made to wait in the main waiting room, where it was busy and scary and I was very distressed. When we decided to leave they then set the police on me and told them I needed to be sectioned.

I’ve never felt so low and scared, or threatened by the NHS.

I am broken. I am stressed and scared. I am sat here crying.

I do not want to try and get professional help again…


15 thoughts on “A long day at A&E

  1. Pingback: This is not an April Fools’ joke | Scarlybobs' Blog

  2. Hey honey… I follow your blog about your pets and I decided to follow this blog because I am too bipolar. This utterly pisses me off to no end. Where do you live may I ask? Obviously somewhere in europe? Is it England? I have been told the mental care there is shit. That you are only given a limit of sessions and the doctor can drop you when ever they please (I.E: Being late or they think you are “cured”). One way or another that is just so shitty!! I was in the hospital a lot in 2014 and honestly it was the same. I went cause I had tried to commit suicide or I was hallcunating from stress and depression. I got checked in super fast, but then I just say in the patient room, with a security guard waiting outside my door with my hubby next to me in the room. If I had to pee, I got up to use the bathroom(theres a bathroom in my room, but its also a suicide watch room, so the door has to be open.) If I hopped off the bed, the guard would question my actions. Nurses were sweet, mostly the males were nicer. They made me laugh and said they would help me. But the doctor would walk in and say that the crisis mental doctor would be down in 20mins, and then they were gone. I once went to the ER once and it was around 10pm, we got out at 6am. I was so upset and got no fucking help. Only once did they help, I had found a office for a good therapist, but just that once, And to make matter worse, I had the worse insurance ever(I live in the US) and was charged about 4000 dollars for the grand total of those six times going. The state did pay 2k, but I still owe the hospital around 1600 after paying for 2yrs. Thats barely any dent, and I pay every time on month. I just found out they only take my whole 25.00 and spread it around each bill, so like I am paying a grand total of like 2.00 each time. There is good help out there, there really is. I am trying my hardest to get insurance yet again, so I been off meds for a bit, and its hard. Its really really fucking hard. I am in such a low manic state and I am attacking everyone I love around me. I just accused my hubby of cheating, cause the voice of paranoia said he was. I feel awful, cause I know he isn’t….. Look, If you ever need to talk, please message me. If we can private message, I can give you my email or facebook. Feel better hun. I do care for you, a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. Yeah, I live in England. The worst thing is that the care you get for mental health differs from city to city…so where we were at uni it sucked, then I moved to the place I lived as a child and it was a little better but still nowhere near as good as it should have been, then we came here and it’s terrible again. We’ve never had good support, but the only thing that gets offered here is to section me…I just want to see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication that might help, I don’t want to go inpatient, I don’t want to leave my partner!

      I suppose at least the NHS is free! I don’t really know or understand the health care system in the US (I’m assuming you’re in the USA…?) but I have a friend who lives there who says it’s completely screwed. I heard it’s ridiculously expensive, but don’t really understand how it works.

      I’m sorry you’re in a crappy place at the moment too. I totally understand the feeling of lashing out at the people you love most, and hating it. I had a period a few months back where I spent all my days crying because I did nothing but be horrible to my partner, and I really do love him to bits…it sucks that the people we hurt most are either ourselves or those we love more than anybody else…

      Thank you so much for this comment, and I hope you get into a better place soon too xxx


  3. HUGS – HUGS – HUGS – thousand BIG HUGS!!!
    I think you should not give up getting professional help – but as I read this really awful story, it seems to be clear that you sought it at the wrong place. Maybe you should move to another city?
    BTW: We had to sit for 8 hours at the corridor with my mom, because there was no free bed in the wards. She is 75 years old, and as it turned out later, she had ileus. After 6 hours, we get only a gurney because she started to collapse. We met a 80 years old woman who was sent home on the previous day and had to come back again and sit for a half day at the corridor. This is 21. century Hungary. But she survived the 2 operations and is home with me – due to three really fantastic doctors who coped for her. I wish so hard that you find your fantastic docs, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Unfortunately moving just isn’t an option at the moment, and I’m not sure where nearby would be any good anyway…everywhere I’ve lived has had inadequate mental health support, it’s just that as my illness has gotten worse we’ve needed the help more.

      Wow, the more comments I get on my blog/s, the more sure I am that medical help sucks all over the world, it’s terrible. I’m so glad your mum is home with you, and that you both found some good doctors in the end. I hope you and your family are all doing well xxx


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