Bleh, back here again.
I have manic energy but don’t want to leave the house other than to walk the dogs nearby. I’m irritable, and often have a strong, lingering sadness inside me. Impulsivity is an issue (especially with money) and often the smallest thing going wrong makes me crash…sometimes just for a minute, sometimes for hours.
What mood is this? It isn’t mania or depression, what is it??
I can’t even judge it by my sleep; for a few nights I’ll sleep 6 hours total (a hypomanic amount for me) and then for several nights after that I’ll sleep 12 hours each night. What are you?!
I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being manic, I’m tired of being depressed, and I’m tired of this.
An hour ago I got cross with my partner because he wouldn’t let me apply for jobs. Then I spent a lot of money on a new mobile phone. Now I’m curled up in blankets feeling hopeless and thinking how useless I am at everything.
I’m at least grateful my psychosis hasn’t been so bad these past few days…I had a day where I rated psychosis just 4/10 on my mood chart!
I’m such a mix of sadness and energy…