Gog started doing some benefit stuff today.
They wanted to talk to me on the phone, and it always makes me extremely anxious and scared, and they never understand and they’re rude and horrible…I ended up curled up crying with horrible paranoid gross thoughts.
Benefit stuff is going to be ongoing. Phone call in the next few days, forms, wanting to talk to me, face-to-face assessments..
I can’t do this, I really can’t.
We’ve jumped through all their hoops and done everything they’ve asked and they’re still fucking us about, and I can’t deal with the stress.
I’m so scared I’m going to have a full-on mood episode now and I can’t cope with that…manic, depressed, it doesn’t matter, I can’t hack it anymore.
I’ve been trying to reorient myself in various ways; seeing pets, doing productive things, reading and commenting on blogs, writing this…none of it is helping.
I’m going to go do some colouring and try wind down.
Having two dogs means there’s always the pressure of keeping them happy too…it’s hard to get the walks and training and play done when you’re breaking.
My partner’s toileting our oldest and giving him a frozen Kong to tire him a little, then he’s taking our puppy on a small walk and bringing him upstairs to see me…hopefully our pup can help calm me down, he’s often really good at that.
It’s all ruined, I was doing so well 😥