The worst thing about Anon having bipolar is that every single time she feels something, we both zero in on it and are terrified it means the opposite episode is approaching.
Now let me make something clear, this IS NOT like when Anon’s parents immediately ask “are you manic?” whenever she cuts her hair or buys something, oh no.
We worry when we notice such a symptom / emotion, as nine times out of ten, we are right.
Because Anon is never stable, this means she bounces immediately from one episode to a next…depressed,manic,depressed, hypomanic,depressed,manic,depressed, hypomanic,depressed…etc etc…
These episodes last anywhere from 2 weeks to 6+ months, the average is probably 1 month for a manic episode and 1-3 month for a depressive. She goes straight from being manic to depressed, straight from being depressed to manic, it is NEVER ENDING.
Can you imagine? I live with her and I can’t imagine how difficult, how scary, that must be.
Anyway, today Anon had a moment where her thoughts and feelings were low. She zeroed in on it, I zeroed in on it, and we were both scared.
I reassured her. We will cope with whatever happens, it might not be a low episode, you might just be tired because you haven’t been sleeping etc etc…
But as the day’s progressed, that depressive episode is certainly incoming.
Both episodes are devastating, in different ways. Manic episodes mean no sleep, lots of activity, wild ideas, anger, and trying to talk Anon out of spending £1000’s, moving house etc.
Depressive episodes mean sleeping 16 hours a day, struggling to find the energy to brush her teeth, crying, lashing out, and the almost inevitable suicidal feelings.
Neither of these mood episodes are easy, but we have to live with them, because we don’t get anything else.
I really wish people could understand quite how devastating an illness bipolar can be
That is why we started this blog – it’s all well and good people can have high functioning bipolar and live successful lives, but it is not fair to think everyone with bipolar can live like that.
As ever it would be nice if we had medical support now, and Anon had medication to help stabilise her or medication could be added to try prevent this low episode…but thanks to the good ol’ NHS this isn’t a possibility.
We’ll keep living, we’ll keep loving each other. We can get through this together.