My anxiety is drowning me

I haven’t had anxiety like this for months, and it suuuucks >__<

I’ve always had pretty bad anxiety, ever since I was in my early teens. When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and yeah I do spend a lot of time anxious about a lot of things – some realistic worries, some really far-fetched.

Normally I can cope with these fears. Even if I am overwhelmed for a short period of time by anxious thoughts, I can often bounce back and push forwards.

But sometimes my anxiety gets so overwhelming that I can’t think, or cope, or even breathe. It’s not a panic attack, because I can act normal on the outside (which I can’t when I’m having a panic attack), and it lasts for days instead of minutes.

This past week my anxiety has been phenomenal; I’ve felt suffocated 24/7. It’s had me crying in public when walking to the train station, staring at a wall digging my nails into my palm to try stay in control, and having to stand still and breathe deeply because I’m so dizzy with fear.

I’ve lived with severe anxiety for so long, and I’m so tired of it.

I know a lot of people see anxiety as being a ‘nothing’ illness, as something that’s not so bad. I’ve even had CPNs and Social Workers tell me to “just don’t think about” what’s worrying me.

And it’s ridiculous because my anxiety is crippling.

It gives me headaches, and makes my chest hurt (which makes me even more anxious). It makes me cry, feel suicidal, and struggle to breathe. I have Bipolar Disorder and constant psychosis, and we’ve always said my anxiety is one of my most pervasive and difficult symptoms to live with.

An anxiety disorder isn’t worrying a little about something, but being able to brush it aside and carry on with your day…it RUINS you.

It’s exhausting.

Just needed to vent I guess 🙂

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