Stuck stuck stuck

Gog phoned up Mind and Bipolar UK today, to ask for absolutely any ideas on how we can move forward in getting help…neither had any suggestions.

Mind was the most helpful surprisingly (in fact Bipolar UK kinda sucked, which shocked us because they’re normally *really* helpful). Mind told us to ring a different local branch of social services, and said they can send out one of their trained volunteers to offer support, as a kind of in-between step, a kind of practice appt.

I’ve had Valium a few times today, whenever my panic’s been suffocating. I can feel the fear bubbling beneath, but it’s not overwhelming when I’ve had a Valium, and I can let my mind rest and concentrate on other things. I’ve been colouring again.

I’ve had some wildly low moments today. I’ve had some incredibly angry and frustrated moments, and I’ve felt lonely and hopeless all day.

I feel stuck, and like my Bipolar has bested me once and for all. I’m ready to give up. Really, I just want all this fear and pain to stop.

I don’t know where we go from here, because I can’t get help, I can’t go to appts…I have a panic attack whenever I talk about them with my partner.

fucking hate Bipolar.


2 thoughts on “Stuck stuck stuck

  1. I am sorry you are having such a crap time!I can completely understand your frustration towards feeling this ill! Panic attacks are horrible and the hopelessness that takes over is understandable. It’s great you are colouring and trying to give your mind a little break. I find that doodling can really help when i’m struggling. I used to write my feelings down and then doodle around them..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this comment 🙂

      The hopelessness is something I really, *really* struggle with. It’s incredibly hard to see any hope when you have no idea how you can move forward, and zero trust in the people that are supposed to help make you well 😛

      I do like colouring – it means I can pretend I’m actually good at art haha!

      Liked by 1 person

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