Not only have I been doing better than I have in a long time for the past week, but the past two days have been GOOD!
I honestly don’t remember the last time we had one truly good day, I think it was last summer, but having two in a row feels amazing 🙂
The most incredible thing was that both these good days involved me leaving the house, and not just that but going to busy places.
A month ago I couldn’t walk through our village or go to our local supermarket, because I would get so anxious.
I’d hear voices whispering that people were plotting against me, that everybody was spying on me – and I *knew* it was true. People were acting very suspiciously; people followed me and everybody watched me.
In the past few weeks I have met up with a friend and my parents several times (something I wasn’t able to do previously due to panic).
I have gone shopping, spoken to a few strangers even, and gone to busy places – an agricultural show, a kite festival etc. I definitely wasn’t able to do this a month ago, I couldn’t even leave the house!
My mood has been more stable, probably because the terror and panic has gone, and although I’m still experiencing hallucinations they’re of a different nature and I find they don’t make me so scared.
I’m dissociating A LOT, at least once a day for several hours, but even in that state I’m not anxious, or scared, whereas before I’d get very panicky and think it meant the world wasn’t real or I was being controlled.
Some days are entirely positive, and every day I have long chunks of time where I’m happy, content and enjoying myself.
I have energy, I’m sleeping okay, I’m extremely loving to my partner and pets.
I’m doing better than I have in years and years 🙂