Psychosis, dogs and meds

I don’t know how I’m doing at the moment.

I’m still much more stable than I was before Citalopram, and am probably still closer to stable then I have been in about four years.

But things aren’t as good as they were, and I’m struggling.

The fact I’m struggling makes me scared, because I’m terrified Citalopram will stop working again and I’ll be thrown back into a life of terror and extreme, constant mood swings.

I’ve had a few days where I’ve struggled very much with depression, and tearfulness, and hopelessness. It doesn’t seem to be a constant though, just a day or two, and the constant is a more ‘meh’ mood…irritable, exhausted, miserable, and pain.

My neck pain, headaches and migraines have been really bad for a week or so now 😦

I’ve been having more visual hallucinations than had become usual and my paranoia is back. My anxiety still isn’t really visible, but I’m scared with my psychosis kicking up a notch it’s gonna come flooding back.

I am still able to enjoy things though, and I can get out the house still. I couldn’t cope with going somewhere busy, such as a supermarket, but I can enjoy brief walks around the neighbourhood – I can even walk our little foster dog on my own!

Because of our foster dog we can’t leave the house for very long at the moment – we’re building it up very slowly, today we’ll be leaving her for twenty minutes!

Anyway, that means we can’t make it to the GP appt which was supposed to be within the next week…before my mood went weird I was very confident about going to this appt and actually planning what I wanted to say, but now I’m relieved to have a reason we can’t go and when I think of an appt my heart hammers.

My partner phoned the surgery last Friday to ask for a phone appt, as my GP said we could do things that way. He’d talk to my partner about how I was doing and type up a repeat prescription, and the physical appt can be left another few weeks.

The surgery didn’t have any phone appts available though, there’s a week wait :/

I think we should have enough meds to last.

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