Self-harm, suicidal and seizures, oh my…

Really, really shitty few days.

Seem to be having a mixed episode. This presents as not being able to sleep or concentrate at all, with the extra bonus of intense depression. W00t. Factor in several dozen seizures a day and I am struggling. Greatly.

Felt very unsafe these past few days. My partner was catching up with me on a walk yesterday and I almost jumped in front of a van. I wasn’t even really thinking about it, it was an impulsive urge that almost just happened.

I broke today. I couldn’t cope with the self hatred going round and round in my head. So I cried and cried and then I self-harmed. I think it’s only maybe the third time I’ve self-harmed this year.

Very grateful to my partner. Don’t deserve him, am an awful human.

Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day.

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2 thoughts on “Self-harm, suicidal and seizures, oh my…

  1. I hope you feel better soon. I have been living with bipolar disorder for 20 years, but it is totally manageable. Keep writing and sharing your story. You are so strong. I hope you have a better day tomorrow, keep writing!

    Like

    • For me, bipolar’s not manageable at all. My bipolar started 8 years ago, and I’ve had major depressive disorder for 17 years. One of my saddest thoughts is that if I had killed myself 10 years ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain.

      Like

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