I despise my parents

Parents should be the people you can rely on most in life to support you…I’m reaching breaking point with my parents yet again 😑

They’re completely unsupportive, which we already knew, but the worst is when I’m telling them something difficult (that I’ve had a lot of seizures, or that I feel extremely sad, that I can’t cope with how poor my quality of life is)…they don’t respond, they don’t care. I called yesterday afternoon and was almost in tears, because sometimes I’m just so overwhelmed by how limited my life is, so lovely…and they were not responding to things I said and YAWNING down the phone at me!

When I hung up, after an incredibly upsetting, frustrating phonecall, they didn’t bother to get in touch or ask how I was at all…my partner stupidly thought they might text and check in, I knew they wouldn’t.

No matter how many times I try explain what my life is like or how awful my seizures are, they can’t grasp it at all, there’s never a hint of understanding or sympathy. Anytime I talk about being disabled I’m met with silence, whistling, or a change of subject. It’s absolutely disgusting.

On some level I know they either care, or want to appear to others (family) as if they care (this charade is *hugely* important to them)…but I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of having to parent them, of listening to their issues and sympathising with them, whilst I get nothing in return. I’m struggling to live with 12-25 seizures a day, mourning the loss of my independence & any semblance of a life…I just can’t do it.

I tried to ring my dad today to ask about a recording device. I got my PIP letter through (whole other story which I’ll try post about) and the only way they let you record the consultation (which I need otherwise I’ll remember none of it) is if the device creates two hard copies of the recording by the end of the assessment – cassette or CD.

I wanted to ask my dad if he had anything he could lend or any ideas what we could use; he let the phone ring then hung up, twice, and hasn’t attempted to get in touch since 🙄

I put up with an abusive childhood and forgave them. I put up with them mocking my self-harm as a young teen, and forgave them. I put up with them screaming at me when I disclosed my mental health condition, and forgave them. I put up with their entire lack of support or interest when I started having seizures, and forgave them.

But I’m gonna have to have a break, at least for a little while. Putting up with their shit is so bad for my mental health.

If I sound like a whiny dick, I’m sorry. I’ve just put up with too much shit for so long, and sometimes it’s way, way too much.

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4 thoughts on “I despise my parents

  1. Hugs. I have reasons, basically around being a carer, that I have to stay in contact with family members who were very not there for me in ways that sound similar to what you describe. If I didn’t have that shared responsibility…I’d go no contact instead of just limited contact. If now is a time you can do that with yours for your own sanity, feel no shame. Some people will take any olive branch you offer them and try to strangle you with it, unfortunately…

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    • Thank you 💜💜💜 And although it’s nice to be understood I’m sorry you have to deal with family member’s crap too. I’m glad contact is at least limited for you now. My parents owe me a fair amount of money, so I always feel like I can’t cut ties completely because at some point I’m really hoping they’ll pay it back 😂 At the same time though I need to vent about them and take breaks, otherwise I think my depression would suffocate me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Good morning dear lady.I am not going to tell you that you should not feel that way because a person can’t help how they feel.I am a parent and I am sure they do love you in their own way,but maybe they haven’t been able to accept your condition,but we are not going there either.My comment is about you,not your parents.Take a break from them.You will know when to reconnect.Give yourself a break from the constant degrading you feel.All of this definitely makes you feel worse,I can tell from my reading your blogs.DO NOT GIVE UP.Do NOT LET YOUR DEPRESSION OVER TAKE YOU.Do what ever you can to have as much happiness as you can.Enjoy the good days you have.Try your best not to dwell on all the bad thins.Most of all Hang in there Do NOT Give Up.I think about you often.A better and brighter day is coming,if only one at a time.

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    • It helps you to vent,that goes for every one.don’t completely break away,just a little at a time to give you a breather..vent all you want to.That helps too.

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