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This bad day got busted!

Today started off with my depressive episode feeling the heaviest yet, but the day got completely overturned with a succession of awesome things happening 😀

This normally never happens, we have the worst luck haha, so yay!

First thing…Halifax got in touch about my complaint

I complained about the way they treated me in terms of my title, that they don’t have anything outside of Ms, Mrs or Mr on their system, and also that the staff member had no sympathy for me having seizures / brain fog.

Well, they gave me a monetary compensation and far FAR cooler – THEY ARE ADDING THE TITLE MX TO ALL THEIR BANKS, NATIONWIDE!!! 😀

They said it might take some time, but they are actually doing it! And I got the first Mx card from a Halifax ever, which my mum pointed out haha, and how cool is that?!

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Woohoo! Thank you Halifax for being so good 🙂

On top of that, when I text my mum the outcome she was amazingly wonderfully supportive and impressed. We then had a really, really awesome conversation about the name change, me being non-binary, how I felt etc etc.

My parents haven’t seemed particularly supportive throughout this, so this came out of left field and made me so hugely happy!! She said she’s gonna start trying to call me Dally too haha, which will be weird but awesome XD

Happy me’s from today!

To celebrate monies, we went out and explored somewhere we’d never been before.

I’m trying to push myself for further and further train journeys now my polarized ski goggles are helping so much with seizures. This was my longest journey yet at 35 minutes. Great day, and I got to go around four different pet shops – something I haven’t been able to do in YEARS!!

We found a fab new herp shop, and guess what? WE RESERVED A ROYAL PYTHON!

I’ve wanted a Royal for almost a decade haha, but have always opted for other snakes when we’ve been looking for one. The pet shop guy was showing us loads of herps though, and this Royal was for sale and it was so tame and he said it was a great feeder…and it just happened 😀

I’m collecting it this weekend when my parents come visit us, so we have a few days to sort the viv out. If you don’t like snakes, look away now and scroll to the red word SAFE!

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The snake in the middle is mine! ❤

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SAFE!

We also got a bite to eat at a Costa, and I found some new walking boots in a charity shop. Hells yea!

 

I only had four seizures whilst out, and we were out about 3.5/4 hours too 😀

Also check out this pic from the train on the way there…LOOK HOW NORMAL I LOOK!! I couldn’t ride trains for so long, and there I am just chilling reading a book!!

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Train back wasn’t quite as fun, as there were some obnoxious teenage girls sat opposite blatantly laughing at my goggles, but for a depressive episode I dealt with it really well, so I guess I can be chuffed with that 😛

Hope y’all have had as good a day as I have!

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Difficult days

Depression has been suffocating me for a few weeks now, and then yesterday I had one of the worst days for seizures I’ve had in a long time.

Things are pretty stressful atm and stress is one of my top 5 seizure triggers. Yesterday this really showed!

I had three big clusters of seizures, lasting over an hour each time. About 20 minutes of back-to-back seizures (each seizure lasting 2-3 minutes, with a 20 second break of me being somewhat lucid, then another rolling in), then 40-60 minutes afterwards where I act messed up…laughing spontaneously, shouting, repeating words for minutes on end, talking nonsense, swearing etc.

After each cluster I feel incredibly spacey and it takes me a long time to recover. So three of them in one day leaves me with little time to feel well, as I feel off before them too!

I finally came around late evening, so we were able to get the dogs out right at the end of the day and enjoy a takeaway. I hope today is better for seizures, although my depression is already making me feel terrible…better days had better be ahead!

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My mood takes a dive

My psychosis is creeping up and my mood’s taking a dive. I imagine the two are connected.

I didn’t realise I was even experiencing psychosis until a few days ago, when my partner commented he couldn’t see something I could…then a few other things clicked into place too!

It feels like depressive episodes creep up on me so quickly these days, it’s scary. It’s like quicksand; I go from feeling safe, on a solid surface, to floundering helplessly and in grave danger very quickly.

I only noticed my mood plunging a few days ago and already I feel really, really bad.

My partner’s noticed, obviously, but I’m able to hide the true extent…it’s not that I want to lie to him, it’s just that I feel bad telling him how awful I truly feel, and dragging him into the darkness too.

Mental illness sucks so much dick…

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I entered a competition, want to vote??

Hey all!

I entered an art competition, for the first time in my life 😀

It’s aimed at people with mental health issues and is a ‘draw your demons’ competition. I drew how my psychosis feels.

If anybody would like to vote, or just see my picture, click this link —> Demon of Psychosis

All votes are appreciated, thank you!

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Out of spoons

Yesterday I had a day out.

Not much; 10 minute train to the seaside, hour and a half walking about, 10 minute train back. The rest of that day I was out of spoons though, I felt awful.

Today I am apparently still out of spoons, this day has been hell.

My seizures have all lasted longer than usual. They’ve affected me worse than usual. I’m struggling mentally, I feel low and hopeless. I had two outbursts of EDS. I’m just doing awful.

Filled with hate, filled with anger, don’t know why I bother.

Gonna cocoon and try regroup.

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Aaaaagh everything is fucked

My hpomania has been building this past week.

The approach of summer is possibly my biggest trigger, and every single year as the days start getting longer and brighter, I struggle with sleep and rising mania.

I’ve gone from reduced sleep, to very little sleep, to last night 5am coming and going, and not being able to sleep.

Add this to seizures, and life is…interesting!

Today I had my most intense aura for seizures ever, followed almost instantly by seizures, big ones. I was irritable, then exhausted, then felt ill. I was okay a few hours later, now here I am feeling intensely fucking manic, which I’m 99.9% is a side effect of seizures and not actual mania….because it came out of nowhere and followed significant seizures.

Very confusing XD

AAAGH SO MUCH ENERGY WHAT DO I DO *proceeds to bounce off walls*