My meds

I am extremely picky when it comes to medications for my Bipolar. Alongside everything else I have some extreme health worries, and I take med side effects seriously. I’ve been offered to try Lamotrigine (Lamictal) plenty of times, but the tiny (tiny tiny) chance of a deadly rash puts me off big time. If a med has a side-effect I deem ‘scary’, I can’t take it.

Here’s a list of medications I have tried in chronological order and my experience with them. Please note, everybody reacts to meds differently, and although some side-effects are more common than others, that doesn’t mean to say you will experience them.

Citlopram – Anti-depressant. 20 and 40mg.

Seemed to work very well as an anti-depressant to begin with, but pretty soon the depression began seeping through and within a year it was back in full force. I never had any side effects on this med though, which is lovely!

Mirtazapine – Anti-depressant. 15mg.

Made me feel hella woozy when I first took it. I couldn’t walk straight and my speech was slurred. Once I got used to it there weren’t too many bad side effects…no weight gain (which is apparently common with this med) but it did make me sleep a lot (14 – 16 hours a day), and it didn’t stop the depression.

Quetiapine XR – Anti-psychotic / Mood Stabiliser. 150mg.

Made me feel extremely drunk the first time I took it, to the point where I was stumbling and couldn’t see straight. I felt tired immediately after taking it, and my body began to rely on Seroquel to make me tired, which caused sleep issues. I also gained an incredible amount of weight (over 2.5 stone in less than 4 months), despite exercising a lot and eating a healthy diet. This was unfortunate as for a while this med kept me pretty damn stable.

Aripiprazole – Anti-psychotic. 15mg.

Within a week I had developed akathisia, which was like extreme restless leg syndrome. Over a period of two and a half years this got worse, but even with such severe side effects I wasn’t taken off the medication quickly.

By the time the professionals finally switched me to a different med (2.5 years after I started) both my legs were ‘jittering’ every minute I was awake, my left arm also ‘jittered’, I constantly had to uncross and re-cross my legs, and I was rocking side to side constantly. The severe tremor in my left arm meant I couldn’t read or eat with a knife and fork.Not good.

This medication also cost my my favourite hobby; I couldn’t write at all on this med, and to this day my ability for writing fiction hasn’t returned. Although it stopped my manic episodes very well, it did nothing for my depressive episodes.

Procyclidine – Anti-parkinsons. 5 and 10mg.

I took this at night and had no side effects, but it didn’t stop my tremors / jitters at all. Then my psychiatrist recommended I take it in the morning, which I diligently did for weeks. It still didn’t help my akathisia, all it did was make me horribly sick for about four hours after I’d taken it…

Trazodone – Anti-depressant. 150mg, above 200mg and I went wonderfully manic.

This med made me feel drunk every time I took it, and not the good kind of drunk. I took it at night because of this. I didn’t have any other side effects, but it didn’t help my depression at all…until it made me manic at about 200mg, that is.

Quetiapine – Anti-psychotic / Mood Stabiliser. 150 – 300mg.

Made my body rely on it for sleep, which I hated. You don’t realise how pleasant it is to actually feel tired and want to go to bed until it’s missing. I also slept a lot on this, around 16 hours a night. The third unpleasant side effect I had is what I called morning paralysis, where for the first half hour after I woke up, although my mind was alert and I could hear what was happening in my surroundings, I couldn’t move my body or open my eyes. Yeuch. Mood-wise it didn’t do much for me, although was fairly good at calming manic episodes.

Ebesque XL – Anti-psychotic / Mood Stabiliser. 300mg.

To be honest I am confused as to why this is different to Quetiapine. I think it’s just a different brand name? I dunno. Either way I have less side effects. It doesn’t make me feel as tired at night (which is both a blessing and a curse as it seems to vary each night) and I don’t need quite as much sleep. It’s okay at slowing down my manias, but has done nothing for my depressive episodes.

Valium – Benzodiazepine. 30mg.

This was prescribed by a GP so that Gog could give me as much as it took to knock me out. Neither of us appreciated this, and surprisingly enough Valium shouldn’t be prescribed to psychotic patients instead of appropriate treatments.


Medication cocktail


6 thoughts on “My meds

  1. This will sound odd but I have tremors and a stutter. I take Adderall and for some strange reason it helps with both. I also cry less. This is in addition to Topamax, Viibryd, and Klonopin. It took over 4 years to find the almost right or as good as it’s going to get cocktail.


      • It’s Amphetamine Salts they use it for Attention Deficit Disorder but in the U.S. it is widely used in the Mental Health field. For one reason most of the Medications make you tired or sluggish and this given in the correct dose counter acts that. Some people like me it also helps with tremors, stuttering and crying. My med combo isn’t the greatest but it makes life doable. I’ve also had ECT which worked very well I just couldn’t take the waking part. It was too much. But one round lasted me 6 months. I went to Florida by myself for vacation. I took little day trips alone and started making jewelry and taking photos again. If my body could handle it I would do it again.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ah, I see.

        That’s the state I want to get to…I’m not expecting to be stable all the time and never have symptoms again, but I want to be able to *do* things! I want to be able to leave the house and go shopping, to have more than half a day stable, and to feel happy without being manic…

        Oh man I don’t think I’d be brave enough to try ECT. I’ve read for the people that it does work for, it tends to keep depression at bay for quite a long time. I’m glad you were able to enjoy things for a little while after it 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • If I could only find a way to deal with the side effects after I would do it again. I woke with the feeling of an ax try split my head in two. I thought I was little again and my mom was still alive. I kept asking when she was coming for me. The nurses kept saying “soon”. You have to remember on your own. To relive her passing was traumatic. It took about 8 hours until I knew how old I was and what was going on. My eyes leaked tears constantly. It was too much to go through again. If there was a better way I would do it.


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