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Victorious yet anxious

Eight days ago I started using a new CBD oil, from CBD Brothers. 

I wasn’t feeling too hopeful, as I’ve tried five different CBD oils before and none have ever done that much.

Fast forward to this week, I’ve had THREE days with less than three seizures per day, and today (at 6:15pm) I’ve had just one seizure!!

This hasn’t happened in over 2 years!!!

Whilst I’m absolutely over the moon, it’s made me incredibly anxious too…will the NHS be even less interested in getting me diagnosed, if I’m having seizures less often and have found something myself that works? Seizures are the only thing the DWP seemed to take seriously – if I’m having less, will they reduce my benefit?Even though I’m still spending all day (other than an hour’s dog walk) hidden inside behind dark curtains, with the lights off…I can’t imagine they will listen.

I feel like such a dick, because here I am panicking about everything after one day of having just one seizure…but then I think hey, of course it’s going to feel strange and scary, for the last 2+ years you’ve been having dozens of seizures a day, and ANY type of big change can trigger anxiety.

So I’m just gonna have to treat myself gently, and focus on how INCREDIBLE it is that this CBD oil is helping my seizures. I could get a life back, and that is something to be celebrated, not feared.

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Aaaaagh everything is fucked

My hpomania has been building this past week.

The approach of summer is possibly my biggest trigger, and every single year as the days start getting longer and brighter, I struggle with sleep and rising mania.

I’ve gone from reduced sleep, to very little sleep, to last night 5am coming and going, and not being able to sleep.

Add this to seizures, and life is…interesting!

Today I had my most intense aura for seizures ever, followed almost instantly by seizures, big ones. I was irritable, then exhausted, then felt ill. I was okay a few hours later, now here I am feeling intensely fucking manic, which I’m 99.9% is a side effect of seizures and not actual mania….because it came out of nowhere and followed significant seizures.

Very confusing XD

AAAGH SO MUCH ENERGY WHAT DO I DO *proceeds to bounce off walls*