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CBD oil blues

CBD oil has not been good to me.

CBD oil is quoted as helping EVERYTHING, from anxiety disorders, depression, epilepsy, to stroke and cancer. It’s natural, and supposedly has no side effects. It starts working within a few days to a week, and the results are amazing.

Only that hasn’t been the case for me at all.

I’ve tried A LOT of different CBD oils, various strains, strengths and from various companies. In the UK the strength of an oil is measured in %, I’ve had oils vary as much as 3-30%. The 30% was one of the least effective!!

First thing to be aware of, dosing instructions from the companies can’t be trusted!

Second thing, you can indeed have side effects from CBD oil. For me, this was migraine. I also know somebody else who experienced migraines when starting CBD oil. It also messed with my sleep depending on the dose; low dose and I slept too little, with a higher dose my sleep was deep and peaceful.

The most effective oil for me has been a full spectrum 4% CBD oil with traces of THC. The company recommended 3-12 drops a day, which did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for me.

A friend told me most oils require a daily dose of around 30 drops, especially for seizure disorders. They are notoriously hard to treat. Sure enough we upped my dose to 18 drops a day, and saw a huge improvement.

It reduced my triggers (eg. cars going past with headlights on no longer caused seizures, in fact they barely made me feel spacey). It shortened the length of my seizures, and meant I bounced back / recovered from a seizure much faster. It also greatly reduced seizure rage, which was incredibly important to me, and I felt better in myself – more “me”!

However, after three days with less than a dozen seizures and feeling really good (for me 😉 ), I had to switch to a new CBD oil as mine had run out.

This one is an 8% CBD oil from the same company, but it’s an entirely different strain.

Because I had to switch, I fell right back down the epilepsy pit. Today has been fucking awful, I might as well have been taking nothing.

I’ve had a lot of LONG seizures, experienced a huge cluster, and was left feeling extremely physically unwell with a migraine. I haven’t noticed any triggers today, nothing that would usually cause seizures; no bright lights, missing sleep etc. It’s ridiculous.

We were going to start this oil at a low dose and gradually build it up, but fuck that I need relief!! Instead of a starting dose of 5 drops we’re doing 14, tomorrow will be 16 drops and the day after 18. We’ll see how I’m doing then.

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Migraines

My head is so sore lately.

It doesn’t take much at all to trigger a headache, and it doesn’t take much at all for it to lead into a migraine. My neck’s being a pain in the arse too, any time it even slightly aches, it decides to make a big deal out of it and cause a headache / migraine…me and my neck are arch enemies XD

My mood’s weird today. I’m not sure if maybe it’s not bipolar-related but actually seizure-related, and I’m just in for a tough day seizure wise.

I never knew seizures affected mood so much, but before certain seizures I either feel incredibly depressed or full of rage. So much rage I am scared I’m going to hurt myself (last time the urge to punch through glass was so strong I had to sit on my hands and bit my tongue until it bled) or my partner. After seizures my mood tends to be one of two ways – very sad and very teary, or completely off the walls energetic crazy. It is exactly like being manic, but it’s not mania, it’s just seizure after effects!

So it’s all really weird and confusing.

To say how many stressors there are at the moment though (new puppy, physical pain, seizures to deal with) I feel like we’re actually doing pretty good…no consistent suicidal urges for days, missing sleep but coping, dealing with seizures without wanting to curl into a ball under a duvet and never emerge ever again XD

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New look for the blog!

I changed this blog’s theme today, what do you think? 🙂

Today has been a fairly okay day mood-wise, but I have been in A LOT of pain. It started as an aura for a seizure (my biggest seizures generally have auras including strong headaches, feeling cold, deja vu, and of course then the symptoms that my smaller seizures have too, ie. confusion, tiredness etc).

I had some seizures, then I fell asleep. I think my neck must have been positioned ever so slightly strangely (I have such a damn sensitive neck, it doesn’t take much at all to trigger my neck pain and this *always* leads to headaches). So when I woke up I already had a very painful headache 😦

I took two Codeine immediately, and Gog gave me a neck massage bless him which he is *really* good at, but for hours afterwards I couldn’t concentrate on much or enjoy anything because I had a terrible headache.

We discovered some months ago that what I have always counted as headaches are actually classified as migraines, and are much worse than what most people I know class as headaches – ie. for me headaches make me feel extremely sick, movement causes significant pain, lights intensifies the pain etc.

I took more pain pills – seriously fuck how many you are supposed to take, I am SO sick of living in pain!! – and it’s eased a little.

I’m a little annoyed because I had a lot of plans today (we just got a new puppy last night who is to be my assistance dog, so I had lots of stuff I wanted to do). I got some stuff done, including beginning clicker training with her and a walk in the dark, but I had to leave a lot of things for another day.

Anyway, photos because she is cute 😉

sasha6

day1sasha2

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Unwell in every way

Uuuuugh.

Alongside bipolar fun, I’ve been feeling crappy physically too recently.

I’ve had a lot of migraines and a lot of neck and back ache (which usually happens daily in a depressive episode but I haven’t been depressed recently!), and then today was the icing on the cake.

I’m sleeping more atm (12 hours up from 8-9 hours). At the beginning of this week I had a two day migraine, which left me in so much pain I couldn’t do anything.

Ever since that I’ve had ear ache in my left ear and just felt really tired. Then today I woke up with a really sore neck which leeched into a headache.

Since early morning I’ve had a really bad allergic reaction ALL DAY to something in the house…I should add I don’t really have any allergies, I’ve tested allergic to tree pollen but nothing else. We don’t have any trees in our house haha and nothing’s changed over the past few weeks, yet today my body is claiming I am allergic to everything in the house. Outside I’m better, little snuffly-sneezy but nothing like inside.

This seems to happen with me, every other month or so I have a day or two where allergies cripple me and I don’t know why.

So all day today I’ve been sneezing, big painful sneezes with a tickley throat, nose and itchy eyes. The sneezes result in a bloody nose and a very sore throat. 24/7 irritation is awful and I feel sorry for people who have allergies this bad daily!!

I feel absolutely exhausted. Totally drained. My head is all muggy like when you have a cold and I still have ear ache. I ended up sleeping until early afternoon so I’ve only been up 8 hours and I’m knackered and definitely ready for bed.

*sneeze*

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Migraines + headaches

Ugh.

So when I was having really bad psychosis outside of a mood episode, it obviously caused me A LOT of anxiety, and this caused numerous headaches just from stress. Then factor in that the constant adrenaline meant I became light sensitive, and using a lamp indoors or walking outdoors on a normal, not sunny day, also caused headaches…and it wasn’t a good time 😛

Since going manic around three weeks ago, I have had no headaches.

My anxiety has almost all gone, even though I’m still hallucinating, because I feel confident and good and happy.

But now the lack of sleep is starting to affect me :/

For the past three weeks I have been getting anywhere between 3 and 8 hours sleep, averaging I’d guess about 5 hours a night. I normally sleep for 9-10 hours a night, so after 3 weeks I’m running on one hell of a deficit now!

I started off for the first week getting around 6-7 hours sleep, for the second I had 3-5 hours sleep, and for the third I have a couple of nights with 2-4 hours sleep and then seem to get a nice night’s sleep lasting 7-8 hours.

Today it caused a tired headache, migraine, whatever it was. I started off fine and then out of nowhere got hit with a crippling headache. We came home, I took some Codeine & Ibuprofen, managed to sleep for four hours, and when I woke up I just had a niggling headache and felt nauseous.

Thankfully in the hour I’ve been awake that has faded too.

Ever since I started having psychosis outside of mania (used to be the only time I’d have psychosis) I’ve really noticed the toll it takes on my body…

I was having lots of headaches, usually one a day, and at least one migraine a week. My back hurt and my neck was extremely sore. No matter how I sat, slept or held myself, it hurt, and then my neck pain would inevitably lead to a headache!

Nothing has changed since then but, up to today, I’ve had no pain in mania.

The body is a strange thing…