Thanks to the inordinate amount of stress I’m dealing with atm, it was always gonna trigger a depressive episode.
But it still really, really, REALLY sucks that it’s happened.
This is the last thing I needed right now 😞
I’m tired of my life being so, so limited.
I’m tired of having dozens of seizures every day and living with all the after effects. Of living in fear. Of being unable to do anything for myself. Of having so little support from the NHS. Of benefits HEAPING stress onto my already difficult life. Of family & friends being totally oblivious to how awful everything is. Of my parents lacking all caring.
I’m sick of everything…
I’m already scared of how this depressive episode is gonna go.. I hope it’s ended before Christmas 😭
Very bad day so not able to type much. Will copy this summary I typed elsewhere instead:
Welcome to my life with a seizure disorder.
Dozens of seizures a day and being able to do nothing to stop them; relying on your partner to stop you auto-walking, falling, or being hit by cars when having a seizure; not remembering ANY of your day (not even things you did five minutes ago); and looking like a prat in front of complete strangers, so choosing to hide away inside.
Just tried to say goodbye to [my partner and our friend], and instead my mouth said “no fucking”…which was at least humorous, but y’know’ not exactly great XD
I’ve crashed, my mania’s gone 😦
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
My energy’s gone, my buzz for life has gone…crippling anxiety has returned, sadness has descended, and I know it’s only going to get worse.
I am scared and I am sad and I am scared about how sad I am going to get in the upcoming weeks.
We found a puppy just over a week ago, tied to a tree and abandoned in the middle of nowhere. She is a sweetheart. I am trying to take her for walks and cuddle her a lot, in the hope she will help force my mood upwards…