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Review: Tabby Fidgety Cat

What is it?

The Fidgety Cat is sold on Amazon, & primarily targeted at elderly dementia patients. It is a lightly weighted, soft, cat-shaped stuffed animal, and has added fidgetable parts on the back. There are several choices in colour, & there’s even a dog equivalent available!

Price?

£27.99

Thoughts…

I bought this as I’ve found weighted items particularly helpful, especially if they are soft or nice to the touch. Having the kitties settle on my lap is perfect, & I’ve taught my dog DPT, but none of those are really suitable for looong periods of time.

Enter Toshi, the tabby fidget cat 😂

On the description it only said “lightly waited “, with no weight given. Having weighted it myself, it sits at 325g.

The material is extremely soft & it’s a very cute kitty! It comes wearing a collar with a bell, which was velvet. I removed it due to my sensory issues with velvet, & found it was actually much nicer feeling without the collar.

There are large wooden beads to fiddle with, which I love, & three strands of ribbon. On the rump there’s a large plastic-y pocket, & kitty has a tail with weights in the tip.

I have found this very helpful so far. It’s cuddle-able, it’s nice to stroke or play with the ears, & the beads have been great for self stimulatory behaviour (eg when I’m trying to concentrate, or anxious).

I would prefer if it weighed closer to 1kg, so I may put something heavy in the pocket to add that little bit more weight…but otherwise this is fantastic 🙂

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Things feel like they’re coming together

I had my ECG & am waiting for the results now. I think as soon as they come in I’ll have to have a GP appt, & then I can ask for a printout of the cardiologists report so I can have my own copy of that too.

They give you a diary to fill out every time you experience symptoms; it had 25 slots & by the end of day 1 I had completely filled it 😂

I had numerous seizures related to my heart rate & lots of heart rate spikes whilst wearing it, so let’s hope I get a knowledgeable cardiologist who has actually heard of postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, & who will write a good letter to my GP!! It will also be my first GP appt seeing my Dr in my wheelchair, & even though my chair has been fantastic & given me some semblance of a life back, I’m worried how my GP will react to it, because y’know what the NHS is like 🙄

I finally have my disabled travel (rail) pass on the way, yaaay. And that should be here in 4-6 days 🙂

I’m still waiting for my 24 hour EEG appt to come through…I guess it’s good to double check for electrical activity, but given I’m 90% sure my seizures are physiologic (caused by lack of oxygen to my brain & vastly dropping blood pressure, due to POTS), I’m not too worried/excited about the results. I kinda wish we’d had the opportunity to fricking talk with the neurologist, so I could explain about POTS, but again – y’know what the NHS is like! My first neurologist left after my first appt last year, & we haven’t seen/spoken to another since as there’s apparently a shortage of neurologists…so basically he has no idea about any of my new medical diagnoses or investigations.

Also we tried to swap which hospital my neuro appts get referred to…basically the stupid fucking Dr sending the referral last summer (who was an uber bitch!) sent me to the neurologist hospital that is 90+ minutes away, rather than the one that is 15 minutes away…like?! 😂

When one of the nurses told us we could have been sent to the local hospital, & asked why we were having to travel so far, we were flabbergasted! We asked her how we’d go about switching, and she said it would be easy & to do it through our GP surgery.

We get in touch with them & start the ball rolling, & I get an email a few days later saying if we ask to be switched, the whooole process will start from scratch & I’ll be waiting ten months to see a neurologist!!! What the fuck?! But this isn’t even our fault?! 😂

It should be noted that Dr Footitt has never met me & only knows my case from notes on my file…so why a Dr at the nearby hospital couldn’t pick it up from my file like he did, I have no idea 🙄

The only reason it’s worth us switching is because we literally *can’t* get to that hospital unless we get a lift, which requires my parents taking a day off work…and obviously that’s not really an option.

So. We’re gonna try get the EEG out the way & get the results, then start the process of switching…eesh 🙄

Mentally I’m still a huge mess, & all the issues last February with benefits & having to have so many appts with the NHS (BOTH of which trigger mood episodes, panic attacks, & scheme anxiety) have still left me battling my bipolar in a way I haven’t had to in so long. And yes, it’s mid-July now, five months later, and I’m STILL unbalanced from that 😥

Currently I’m in a depressive episode that started at the end of June, but I’m fighting hard & Lyle is doing all he can to help…we’ll get through this!

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Still waiting

Not much to report, things are the same.

I still don’t have my MRI results. It was almost 4 weeks ago now 🙄

When we phoned PIP on the 6th week (originally we were told we’d have an updated decision in 3), the person we spoke to said “what I’d advise you do is call again at the end of March if you haven’t heard anything”…😱😱😱 That would be twelve weeks!!!! 😡 So I think we’re going to phone them weekly just to try to annoy them into acting faster 🙄

And I haven’t heard about an appt for my EEG yet, despite the two referrals my neurologist sent 🙄

So.

I continue to have way too many seizures everyday, alongside battling chronic pain and bipolar disorder. I’ve been hiding inside, either not going out at all, or going out for 15-30 minute walks to enjoy the snow🙂

Because I haven’t really been going out, my seizures have been sitting at an average of 15 a day, but a few days back I had my lowest seizure day in about 10 months: 8 seizures in an entire day 😃

And that’s pretty much where we’re at.

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Hiding indoors helps

Because my brain’s been so screwy and I’ve been having so many seizures lately, I barely left the house this past week. I had 4 days holed up inside.

Finally, my seizure total for the day lowered, so our plan to hide away & let it reset worked. Just over a week ago I was having on average 24 seizures a day, after hiding indoors this lowered to 14 🙂

It definitely helps that we’ve discovered the room upstairs doesn’t trigger my seizures much at all. We basically live in one room of our house (because why move about and have to deal with lighting triggers?!), we were originally downstairs as that’s the biggest room in the house, but even with blackout curtains and strategically placed lamps it triggered a lot of seizures. Upstairs is SO MUCH BETTER. And weirdly it’s lighter up here, but because of where the light is it’s not a trigger.

Today though I thought I’d better go outside, go for a short walk. Be in the world just a little. I got some nice photos!

We were out about 45 minutes; I had 3 seizures on the walk, and 3 within twenty minutes of getting back home…lighting is such a fucking shitty trigger to have.

It’s also one that’s denied constantly by professionals…and no, it doesn’t have to be flickering/flashing, bright lights or changes in lighting for me are just as bad as flashing lights. Like yeah okay, I’m a special case & this is uncommon, but you don’t know everything about the brain and you can’t claim to know everything that triggers seizures 🙄😑

It’s been nice staying indoors and having less seizures as a result though. I’d forgotten what it felt like!

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12+ months to 2 days

Someone in the US got in touch with me yesterday. A few days ago they had their first seizure, ever, and were looking for support & advice.

Within two days of her first seizure she’d had a CT scan and an EEG. She was diagnosed with complex partial seizures (the same type they think I have) and will be starting meds.

All this within two days of her first seizure!

In contrast, next month will mark a year since my first appt with a GP about seizures. I was treated disgustingly, had to fight to get on the waiting list for a neurologist, and was told it would be a 12+ month wait.

I ended up in A&E due to seizures last October, which was actually kind of a good thing as it expedited my neurology appt, & I saw her 1.5 months later. I had my MRI 3 weeks ago, and am waiting for an EEG (my neuro’s sent off 2 referrals, but the local hospital isn’t acting on them).

The reason I’m posting this is because I’m so sick of abled people not understanding what a hideous monster the NHS is, and how disgusting it is. This person had two seizures total, I’m having over 300 a month and have had no support or treatment yet.

Whenever I try explain my hatred for the NHS, ableds ALWAYS bring up ‘yeah but the NHS is free and you have to pay loads in the US, so it is better’…my dad is TERRIBLE for this.

Firstly, you can say that because you don’t have a condition that puts your life in danger every single day, that you’re not being listened to or given treatment for.

And secondly – just because I complain about the NHS doesn’t mean I want rid, or would rather pay for healthcare. That’s not the only two options there are (shit free healthcare or awesome healthcare you pay loads for). How about an NHS that gets more funding, where treatment is faster and Dr’s care + are educated? Where instead of waiting 12+ months, everything was sorted in 4-6?

That shouldn’t be too much to ask for.

I know quite a few spoonies in Canada. One has suspected simple partial seizures, and is setting a neuro, having an EEG & MRI within 2 months of their 1st appt. Their healthcare is free and so very much better than ours.

It’s not an either-or, it’s a ‘the NHS needs improving because this isn’t okay’…and frankly, if you think it is good enough as it is, because you don’t have a disability, you’re just ignorant & ableist.

I am so SO tired of living with so many seizures. I’m so desperate for help from the NHS, yet I just keep getting treated like shit.

And when people try argue that UK spoonies have it good with the NHS…I just can’t.

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Broken

I had another broken day today 🙄

Yesterday we tried to have a nice day, it was an epic fail…I almost ended up in hospital due to having so many seizures, the day was awful & very much ruined. I was left asking myself why I even try to do anything/leave the house anymore 🙄

Being so physically unwell obviously takes a toll mentally, and after yesterday, today I’ve just been struggling hugely. I wanted to hurt myself, I felt suicidal, same old bipolar crap. Add to that a pet died unexpectedly and my bf’s parents are being absolute dicks…and yeah, it’s been a bad day.

I started to feel a little bit better this evening. I just get tired of all my disabilities have taken from me. I get tired of not being able to leave the house, or have a life, and yesterday showed that so clearly.

I posted this photo yesterday online. This was me after I’d attempted to leave the house; I’d had 29 seizures, felt dreadful, and a migraine had hit me as a result of the high number of seizures. I might have an invisible disability, but that doesn’t make it any less real…

I can’t remember if I posted about this already or not (I have no memory anymore, my brain can’t really produce new memories very well) but my bf called the hospital about my MRI results, and also asked about my EEG. He was told by the hospital that’s too far for us to travel that they have sent off two referrals to the local hospital for my EEG, because they want it done asap, but the local hospital just aren’t acting on it…how is that okay?!? 😩

I’ve had significantly less seizures today but my mood is in the pits…I’ll take that over the other way round, I guess!

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Everything is an uphill battle

I’m feeling totally overwhelmed at the moment, and depression is engulfing me again.

Yesterday marked 3 weeks since our PIP assessment, which we were led to believe that, because it was adding a new health condition and not a new claim, we would get the results within 3 weeks.

We got a letter from PIP, and opened it feeling sick with nerves…and it was this!!

Like…no!! Don’t say ‘we have your information’ when you’re supposed to be saying ‘we have your result’!!!

So my partner went to call the number to ask how long, and the automated script whilst you’re on hold has been updated to say you should wait at least FOUR WEEKS for your result now…like for fuck sake!! This is do taxing on my mental health, I just want it over with 😩

One of the most disgusting thing about benefits is how hard they make the process for disabled people. The people who need the most help!

This entire process has been a nightmare, and alongside it there’s been the Universal Credit process which has been going on for 10 months, & is just as bad!! I just want to know if we’re going to get the money we deserve. I want to know we’ll get money so we can not just ‘scrape by’, but LIVE. So we don’t have to worry. I want to know we won’t have to rely on a foodbank again, that we won’t lose our house, that I can get my disabled bus pass!

I’ve jumped through every hoop & it’s been so mentally AND physically taxing…so the fact we have to wait longer than they first said brought me to tears. UC has no end in sight, but PIP should’ve been over.

Anyway. That was yesterday.

Today everything feels like a very intense uphill battle. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, even though there are no ‘scary’ plans today, no need to feel that way. I want to cry thinking that the instant I leave the house I’ll start having numerous seizures…what is my life?! What is the point?? Why am I continuing to live when my life is just being in a gloomy house?

Finley, our puppy, comes home at the end of this month. I need him so badly. Just gotta hold on.

Yesterday we went for a short walk around the forest at the end of our road. I didn’t wear my goggles, because if I do I miss out on the beauty of nature, I miss out on partaking in one of my favourite hobbies, photography!

I should be wearing my goggles anytime I’m outdoors, really. But I hate them so much that I really only wear them when I’m around lights (shops, restaurants, hospitals, buses, trains, town etc) or if I’m having a really bad day.

When I’m out in nature, I want to *feel* it, experience it…and you can’t do that wearing goggles that turn the world incredibly dark, steam up, and remove the beauty 😅 Seriously, when I wear my goggles the world is muted to one dark-blue colour, there is no beauty.

If they stopped all my seizures outdoors I’d probably wear them all the time, because then it would be worth it. But if I’m gonna have seizures anyway I’d rather enjoy the beauty, thanks!

I’m so tired of not being able to do anything, not being able to go anywhere. Of having dozens of seizures everyday, just from being indoors and going on ONE WALK a day! I miss going places and doing things, not just walks…I miss days out, shops, visiting exciting places. I don’t remember the last time I was in a shop, even a small one, it was weeks ago.

I miss living.